Happy Spring!

Thanks for the thoughts, kids. I try to limit woe-is-me posts to a bare minimum, as it’s a real tendency of writers and bloggers particularly to be overly melodramatic (ooh! I’m in a mood!  I know… I’ll write about it!)… but every now and then ya just feel better for having been honest rather than pretending you have it all together.  I think it frees other people up, too.  I never see so many emails and/or comments as when I open up a little and admit I have moments where life throws more challenge my way than I’d like.  (Actually, I never see so many comments as when I post about the annual Nog Bong Contest… but other than that, candor rules).  And it makes me feel better.  So there.

I’m reading in the Psalms, and I love that David is melodramatic and complains and whines and tells God that he’s pretty sure He’s forgotten all about him… and then talks himself back around to reminding himself of how faithful God is.  This also makes me feel better.    God has room for our rants.  Isn’t that cool?

It is SPRING!  And at the LBH, I got some much needed yard work done yesterday in the sunshine (it was a flip-flop day for sure).  It was lovely.  I fought a rosebush and a mutant fern as I tried to pull them out (both of them had adamantly decided that in the ground is where they wanted to stay)… it was a long and bloody (literally — stinkin’ roses) battle, but I WON.  I am now nursing very sore shoulders, but hey.  Victory was worth it.

In other news, my brackets are completely shredded.  Why, oh why, didn’t anyone tell me how much Tennessee sucked?  I could have avoided much heartache and perhaps ended up 50$ richer.  As it is, I’m still first place in the office pool, but I know my days are numbered.  Two of my final four picks are now out.  Hang it all.

Go Zags.  Puh-lease.  (Mockers and scoffers, please remain silent).

Have a great day, all.  Thanks for blessing me in all the little ways our worlds bump into each other, even from a distance.

The Post

I can tell already that this is going to be one of those slightly messy stream-of-consciousness posts (been brewing for a while), so feel free to skip this one, I wouldn’t be offended in the least.  I’m feeling quite human this evening, and just need to throw some words at the wall for a bit, get them out of my head. 

This kills me, but I’ll just say it: I’m lonely.  Ish.  And feeling more than a little restless.

The thing is, life is great.  When I think back to last year, and how much has happened since then, I am absolutely amazed at God’s goodness to me.  This time last year, the internship was beginning to unravel, I had just applied for a job with a church in Bellevue (thus beginning a job search that would last six frustrating months), and my best friend Julie and brother Kevin had both moved away.  This time last year, I was still nursing a broken heart and we were trying that whole horribly confusing “friends” thing.  I’m still glad we did, but in retrospect it pretty much doubled the recup time.

Fast forward twelve months.  Things with church are going well, and the ginormous chip on my shoulder has for the most part melted away.  I’m in a small group I love dearly and am a part of launching a new church plant with one of my dearest friends.  I have a challenging job I enjoy – a great mix of passions and skill – that has potential to be long-term (I’ve stopped looking for a “real job”).  Julie and I are closer than ever, and Kevo and I still get together whenever we can.  God has brought new friends into my life through work and church and it’s nice to know that I’m surrounded by people who care about me & who won’t let me off the hook when I try to disappear every now and then.  The heart is healed up; a little scarred perhaps, but there’s no longer pain there.   

In a word: life has become pretty settled.  I’m not having to entertain many of the big questions that were hallmarks of my last several years.  Although life and God have a tendency to mess with any established plans (and they have that permission), it’s nice not to be constantly asking myself questions like where am I going to live next month? or where should I turn in an application this week?  should I go back to school?  should I stay here and attempt to find a job that will pay me enough to eat, etc.?

Yeah, things are good.  So what’s the problem?

Whatever.  You guys already know the rant that is coming.

It’s just reaching that slightly weird point in my life where nearly all my friends are married.  Definitely all my friends my age are.  Most of them are having babies, which is wonderful and just a little strange all at the same time.  And while I have no notions of their lives being perfect now that they’ve sealed the deal where love is concerned, there’s a piece of me that is envious.  I love my laid-back nights after work, my fun on the weekends, but I’m reaching the place where I’ve proved I can do all that on my own and be okay… I’d like someone to share all that with now.  Work is great, and although I love what I do, I never was one of those who set out for my career to be the most fulfilling thing in life.  Don’t sign me up just yet for the local chapter of the Scrapbooking Club, but wife someday and mom someday are pretty high up on the list.

It’s wicked hard to admit this to yourself if you’re me.  I’ve prided myself on being just fine with life on my own, thankyouverymuch.  Probably been a little feisty about it.  (Especially at weddings, where I inwardly give obnoxious people awards for being the first or most original in their comments about my singlehood ).  I’ve always distanced myself from the behavior of “those girls” who had subscriptions to forty bridal magazines and stalked the living crap out of any man unlucky enough to attract her affections.  I absolutely refuse to give chase, and I’m not afraid to delete a cellphone number or two.  (Jules is totally snickering right now).  But now, even “those girls” are married, and I’m thinking to myself that it is a strange and complicated universe that I live in.

Part of it is complicated because I am.  I already know it’s going to take a pretty unique person to make me happy and to happily choose to put up with me.  Although ministry is big on my heart, I know the schmoozy superstar ministry-type won’t work for me (you know — Behold!-I-am-Chris-Tomlin-cross-bred-with-Dave-Matthews-with-perfectly-tousled-hair)… just as I know the totally church-averse person is out.  If a guy uses basketball as a metaphor for life, we probably won’t hit it off, but the last thing I need is someone even more sensitive than I am.  Good communicator?  In.  Intellectual snob?  Out.  Camping, hiking… IN… I’m not sure if it’s a non-negotiable, but it’s close. 

See?  Complicated.  I say these things half-jokingly, but when certain things are missing, you know it.  And to quote a hero, nothing but the deepest sort of love can tempt me into marriage.  (It’s hard enough even with).

God, can you just send someone who loves you authentically and cares about people but who I can also just enjoy a beer and a good laugh with?

Knowing me, if and when it happens, I’ll probably end up surprised. 

I know all the cliches that people normally interject at points like this.  Know them by heart.  Worse, I know that they’re true.  God has a plan, when you’re not looking it will happen (my personal favorite), don’t worry at least you’re not thirty yet, yada yada yada.  It’s just that so many of them are spoken to me by people who are no longer living in that strange not-yet.  Schmucks.  (Just kidding.  Seriously.  I know they vaguely remember what it was like).   

I do live in the strange not-yet, and to own the truth, I choose to remind myself of these things all the time, (especially on nights I head to church or to my small group, where I am the token single person).  God has a plan.  Focus on what God’s asking you to do right now, in the present.  Don’t be so impatient to get to what’s next that you miss what’s good now.  All of that.  Some days I do a better job than others.  I hold my friends’ babies and make them giggle and start laughing out loud myself… that seems to be enough.  Other days, it’s a little harder and I whisper a few quiet prayers to God, reminding myself that he knows where I am and what I need.   

He knows what I need.  When I need it.  So even on nights like tonight, when all is just a little too quiet, I’ll do my best to continue learning how to trust him.

…end rant.  I feel better now.

end, round one

I am 27 for 32.

Go me.

Move over, Cleo!

I would just like to say that I am 7 for 7 so far on my brackets.

I who know nothing about basketball,

who picked Wichita State because an old boyfriend went there,

who picked UW-Milwaukee because my dad is from Wisconsin,

who picked Montana because Gracie’s hubby hails from there.

I RULE.  (And all the boys are slightly irritated).

Go Zags!

UPDATE: I was actually right 11 times today.  Every one of my pics has won so far… and Illinois is 59 seconds away from putting the good ole’ number at 12.  Ooh, the boys are mad.

WE SO TOUGH!

Tracie’s husband caught this photographic gem:

I would like to entitle this photo:

“Hating Life”

we did it!

The St. Patrick’s Day Dash was awesome (pretty much the best one I’ve ever done).  It was perfect weather, crystal-clear blue skies, chilly in the shade, perfect in the sun.

Elvis, Batman, and several leprechauns ran the race along with us, as well as 15,000 people in various shades of green and every Irish decoration you can think of.  The dude in front of me at the start was running in a kilt.  Sweet.

Jules and I ran the entire race with no walking, which is a first for me.  We ended up pretty close to our goal of 10-minute miles (we ran the 3.38-mile course in 34:22).  Running through simultaneous cramps in both shoulders and both sides of my ribcage was not so fun, but the feeling of accomplishment once we were done was well worth it.  This is why I love running… learning to work through the pain.  (Much to my relief, the torn-MCL knee from the summer caused me no grief!)

Great race, good times had by all.

Pics – the crew pre-race (Julie, Me, Tracie and Michael); me & Kevo post-race; me & Jules post-race:

Yes, I am wearing light-up shamrocks.  And the most obnoxious green shorts I could find.

Happy Birthday, Kevo!

Today my one and only little brother turns 23.  Weird.  We’re gettin’ old, brother man!

Kev, let me take this moment to say that you are absolutely one of my all-time favorite people in the entire world.  As I’ve said many times, I’m so lucky to have brother and amazing friend all rolled up in the same redheaded goofy man.  It’s nice to have someone to share a twisted sense of humor with… someone to run races with… someone to quote ridiculous movies with… someone to get stuck in Boise with for five hours… someone who has to wear just as much sunblock as me…

(Above all, I think my appreciation really boils down to the fact that you do a kick-ass Chewbacca impression, and that you like to yell JULIE!! at random intervals). 

I love you mucho.  Glad you’re such a big part of my world.  Have a great day and we’ll meet you on the other side of the water after work.  THAI FOOD!!!

Feel free to join me in my well wishes: www.krich03.blogspot.com

No Perfect People Allowed, Part 45: God’s Fairness

God the Artist amazes me.  It rained and showered and blustered at intervals today (which I am getting a little sick of, truth be told), but all day long as we looked out our windows, we just saw rainbow after rainbow after rainbow.  We might get snow by week’s end (sigh), but there’s a brave, tiny daffodil that just bloomed two mornings ago in my flowerbed, whispering a tiny reminder that spring can’t be far off.  I’m glad.

***

Okay, back into what will probably be the last little discussion on this book that is rocking my brain.  Again, if you have any interest in helping people bridge the gap from the culture we live in to finding faith in Christ, I can’t recommend it enough.  You guys know my story well enough to know that I’ve fought cynicism where the church is concerned, but I am finding hope and encouragement within these pages — like there might just be a home for outsiders, a place where people can show up as-is and be embraced, just as Jesus would embrace them.

As I mentioned before, the mother-load question that people in our generation often ask of us is this: “How can you say Jesus is the only way to God?” which has a question buried just below its surface: “How can it be fair that Jesus is the only way?”  To ignore the question-beneath-the-question and simply enter into a debate with a person is risky at best, foolhardy at worst.  You might win the argument, but come off so arrogant that you lose the person (A cocky, know-it-all Christian?  Say it ain’t so).

This question of what-happens-to-those-who-have-never-heard-of-Christ is one that I was never comfortable with, try as I might to come to terms with what I’d been taught.  It was so black and white — you’ve either said the sinner’s prayer or you haven’t, you’re either saved or you’re not saved when you get into that car accident on your way home from church. 

Now, please hear me, I’m not saying that there are no absolutes.  (I can hear people wondering if I’ve gone on some relativistic rampage).  I’ve just been challenged in recent weeks to believe that God and God alone determines those absolutes, and that maybe Christian tradition hasn’t had it right all along after all, when we look at the Bible.

The measure that I was always taught for a person’s faith was whether or not they had said the sinner’s prayer and asked Jesus into their heart.  No prayer, no digs.

Here are some of the points from John Burke’s sermon on God’s fairness… I feel stupid for not considering these thoughts earlier, but here’s to new perspective.  To be truthful, I’m still processing, still wrapping my head around what this is saying.  I’m not going to present it as gospel itself.  But I do know that it’s challenging me to take another look at the Christian tradition I grew up with.  Some of the ideas that were presented as hard-and-fast Biblical truth — ideas that I never questioned except quietly in the back of my mind — well, they aren’t holding up.

Ultimately, we don’t know exactly how God will judge others.  We don’t know their hearts.  But there are certain things we know and don’t know from Scripture, according to Burke.

1.  Scripture claims that God is the God of all people, and that all people know about God simply through nature.  We also know when we’re screwing it up — our consciences tell us.  So no one has an excuse for outright ignoring or rejecting God.  God looks at the heart, not religion, of every person.  (2 Chronicles 16:9; Romans 1:16-2:16).

2.  There will be people in heaven made right with God, who never heard the name of Jesus.  (Why did this thought never cross my mind?  All the heroes of the faith who preceded Christ… are they S.O.L.?)  Abraham, Noah, Rahab the prostitute, were all made right with God by faith, which Jesus acknowledged (Hebrews 11 & Romans 4:16-17, John 8:56). If Jesus is the only way, then God took the faith they placed in the knowledge revealed to them (recognizing their need for God’s forgiveness and leadership), and God looked ahead to Jesus’ death on the cross on their behalf, applying Jesus’ sacrifice to them.  (Again, it’s not such a leap for me to believe that God can apply Jesus’ sacrifice 2,000 years ago to my life.  Can he not apply it to others as well?)  Scripture tells us that people from every tribe, tongue and ethnic group will be in heaven — not because they lived a good life or were sincere, but only because of God’s gift of forgiveness and relationship made possible through Christ — accessed by faith.  Burke says, “So I do not know exactly how God deals with those who have never heard of Jesus but are humbly seeking God, but I’m confident that everyone has an opportunity to choose life with God (Genesis 12:1-3, John 1:7-12, Acts 14:16-17, 17:30-31).”

3.  God cannot be unfair.  God looks at the heart and will not unfairly judge a person because of lack of knowledge or cultural or religious conditioning.  God will not send anyone to hell for these things — it would have to be because they truly did not want God’s leadership in their life.  God will let them have their way in this case.  Really, we shouldn’t worry about God’s fairness, since we can’t accurately judge the heart of another, or play judge of the fairness of God.  Jesus continually talked about how surprised people will be when all is said and done (Matthew 7:21-23)… we should take that into account.  It may be that grace is much bigger than we’ve sometimes allowed ourselves to believe.   

4.  Finally, God wants people to find confidence assurance that they are right with him, so he sent Christ.  As John wrote in Scripture, “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life (1 John 5:13).”  God wants everyone to know with confidence that they can approach him without fear of condemnation because of what he’s done through Christ.  Scripture is clear — that Jesus is the only provision God has made to justly forgive us for doing our will rather than his — so if God sees the heart of a person who never heard of Jesus but is seeking to be forgiven and made right with God by faith, and God somehow does for her what he did for Abraham — it is only through what Jesus did on the cross.

He closes with this thought: “Finally, the important question for you and me is not, ‘What about other religions?’ or ‘How will God judge those who have never heard?’  We really don’t know.  But I promise this, he cares more about them than you do.  Christ gave his life for them; I doubt any of us care for those people that much, so rest assured that God will be more than fair if he didn’t spare his own Son for their sake.  The better question is ‘What will I do with the claims of Jesus now that I’ve heard?’ “

This is why we share our stories of finding grace… this is why we point people to Christ.  In Christ we have confident assurance that we are right with God.  Jesus did what we all demanded, that God show himself to us… and he revealed himself as God of the humble, broken, dependent soul.  The more we speak with authority on what we do know — what God has done in our broken lives — and admit our limitedness and God’s sovereignty on the things we don’t — who exactly is right with God and who isn’t — the more we remove barriers to people finding that same grace and truth in their own lives. 

I’m learning to be perfectly okay admitting to someone that there are things that I don’t know.  I know enough about God — through Scripture and through what he’s done in my own life — to trust him with the rest of it.  I’m sure he’s got it under control, and I’m at peace with that.  I’d like to be a person who helps other people be at peace with it, too.

My job is done here.  Wrestle a little.  And shoot me a line with your thoughts if you’re so inclined.

Blessings, S.

this n’ that

Blogging is a little hard to fit in these days.

But here I am, in the Little Blue House, and I have a few minutes.

Since I am still too cheap for cable, I am enjoying my online movie rental deal (Kevin S., I finally watched Lost In Translation.  Dug it).  Up for this week’s enjoyment are In America (repeat), Life Is Beautiful, and Motorcycle Diaries.  Good times.  Walk the Line is out, and Harry Potter 4 arrives Tuesday.  VERY good times.

I am reading The Princess Bride (William Goldman) for the first time and am enjoying it immensely.  Fun book.  To be followed by The Glass Castle (Jeannette Walls) — probably not-so-fun, but a read I am equally look forward to (I am a sucker for memoirs).

Week Two of Gym Insanity was a lovely success… two weeks longer than I’ve ever worked out everyday, but I feel great.  I’m looking forward to the St. Pat’s Dash next Sunday, this being one of the first races I’m actually prepared for.  Two of my co-workers, Michael the Marathon Runner and Tracie My Workout Partner, will be there, along with Kevo.  Jules, who will be up from Bend for the weekend, is also braving the streets of Seattle with us.

In another impulsive move, the hair is now short.  Early mornings at the gym and not much time to mess with my hair… yeah.  Not so much.  I’m all about low maintenance at this point.  (It’ll also make roughing it in humid, near-80 degree temps in Mississippi slightly easier).  The result isn’t scary (it’s a total Meg Ryan circa You’ve Got Mail haircut, although that wasn’t really the intent).  The time spent in the salon chair was a little scary, however… no one ever likes hearing, “Here’s this thing I just learned at the conference I was just at… here, let me try this out…”  My hands were gripping the arm rests a little tight at that point, but all ended well.  It’s kind of fun.  Something about short hair is a little confidence-inspiring.  It’s like, “I’m sassy, and I don’t hide behind anything.”  Or something like that.

Did I mention Jules will be here?    I am desperate for our traditional Happy Hour trip, J!

My hurricane relief trip to Mississippi with CityTeam is coming up quickly (just over a month) and I’m getting more and more excited to go.  CNN did a special article/video report mid-February on Bay St. Louis (thanks for the heads-up, Rebecca!), which is the city I’ll be working in after I fly into Biloxi.  If you take a peek, you’ll see how much people have been dealing with down there.

That’s about it, folks.  I head over to church in a little bit (three weeks in a row, miracle)… and it’s finally easy to be there.  Thanks be to God for all the healing he’s done.

I hope to jump back into NPPA on Monday, time allowing.  I hate that it’s taking me so long to get to, but you know, real life and all that.

Much love to you all, have a great week.

s